I’ve refrained from talking about current parental situation because I get so worked up when I talk about it, it just leaves me raging. After this past weekend, I think it’s time to let a little more out and vent. I have barely spoke more than a few sentences to my mother since she announced that she wants a divorce at the end of December. I’m perfectly fine with that too. I feel like she is being childish, selfish and incredibly greedy, as does the rest of my family. They will speak to her, but I can’t because if I do, it just won’t be pretty and I would end up exploding in a fit of anger. Seriously, I would probably combust.

I basically go out of my way to avoid her. It’s hard when you live in the same house but I do my best. Saturday I came home with ice cream for my brother and dad and she asks where her’s is. I tell I didn’t get her any and walk downstairs. She comes bursting downstairs with a stupid fucking Joker-looking smile on her face, trying to get me riled up and start a fight with me. Now really, I don’t speak to you at all, why would I bring you ice cream? Don’t come downstairs and provoke me. Of course, you can probably see the steam coming out of my ears but I hold back. I’m really not trying to make this harder on my father. She tells me I have an attitude and I need to stop before I do something I am going to regret. SERIOUSLY.

Okay, I am not regretting anything and won’t because I am not the one acting like a child. I have no intentions of having anything to do with her until she realizes what she is doing and how she has been acting. Mid-life crisis or not, this does not give you the right to abandon your family. She waited until all of us were over 18 so she can pack up and get the hell out and not worry about custody or child support. But I guess what she didn’t realize is that, if you wait until your children are adults they can come to their own conclusions about you for themselves. Maybe you should have done this 10 years ago when you realized you weren’t in love instead of waiting 10 years to drop this bomb out of nowhere. Way to keep up this charade. Now your children don’t want anything to do with you, you wasted how many years of your husbands life and all you care about is money. It seems like this was an A+ decision. Well, pack your bags because we all have had enough of your bullshit.

Then my father is dating. The divorce papers aren’t even signed yet and he’s all over the internet looking for dates. We are barely use to the idea of a divorce and now this. Of course, he doesn’t keep it to himself, but feels the urge to tell us about these women. I don’t care. Honestly, I really don’t. I don’t want to know who you are seeing, what they do for a living, how old they are or anything. I DON’T FUCKING CARE.

It feels like every few days, something new happens and I just am on the verge of having a major meltdown. I’m stressed out. I can’t deal with my own shit and theirs too. If I had just had my life together out of high school and did college the 4 year way, I would be on my own and have a job already. I wouldn’t be working as a nanny, still living at home and waiting for the fall school year to start.

It’s just so frustrating. I’m kind of lost right now.

I can’t wait until my vacation mid June, I really really deserve it.