Comments on: another contest!

By: you are a winner! you are a winner! and you! - Oh! How Lovely!

you are a winner! you are a winner! and you! - Oh! How Lovely! — Fri, 06 Jun 2008 14:47:02 +0000

[...] Not all of you unfortunately, but 3 of you! Thanks for entering the contest, everyone! You gave me and my judge a good laugh. Should you need a chuckle to help you get through to the end of the day, go take a little looksee at the entries. [...]

By: Truly

Truly — Fri, 06 Jun 2008 01:06:12 +0000

I made this up myself and felt ridiculously funny. say it out loud.

A fifth grade class is at the zoo and the teacher is telling them all about penguins when one kid in the back yells out: “Teacher-Lady, what’s an Elephant mixed with a Rhinocerous?” and affronted, the teacher snaps, “A-relephant!”

By: *kc

*kc — Thu, 05 Jun 2008 17:43:26 +0000

I’m a huge fan of one-liners:
(so here are three, cuz they are short and sweet … and funny)

- There are two rules for success: 1.) Don’t tell all you know.

- Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can’t even get into my own pants.

- I like my men like I like my coffee. Ground up and in the freezer.

(And yes, I do think that last one is gross - but oh so funny!)

By: Dan Mega

Dan Mega — Thu, 05 Jun 2008 12:05:25 +0000

A jumper cable walks into a bar and the bartender says “I’ll serve you, but don’t start anything”

That’s all I got.

By: Lippy

Lippy — Thu, 05 Jun 2008 08:43:17 +0000

One more:
A blonde walks into the local WalMart. She walks up to the appliance counter and says, “I’d like to buy this TV”.

The counter guy says, “Get outta here ya dumb blonde, we don’t sell to your kind!”
She leaves, but determines, “I’m sick of being treated badly just because I’m blonde,” and goes home and dyes her hair jet-black.

The next day, she takes her new jet-black hairstyle to the local WalMart, marches up to the counter and announces, “I’d like to to buy this TV!”

The counter woman shouts, “Get outta here you dumb blonde, we don’t sell to your kind!”

The blonde starts to leave, but turns back and says, “Look at me, I have jet-black hair. All I said was that I want to buy this TV. Why did you call me a dumb blonde?”

The counter woman says, “Because this is a microwave”.

ba-dum-bum.

By: Lippy

Lippy — Thu, 05 Jun 2008 08:36:58 +0000

The federal government is sending each and everyone of us a $600 rebate. If we spend that money at Wal-Mart, the money will go to China . If we spend it on gasoline it will go to the Arabs. If we purchase a computer it will go to India . If we purchase fruit and vegetables it will go to Mexico, Honduras , and Guatemala . If we purchase a good car it will go to Japan. If we purchase useless crap it will go to Taiwan …and none of it will help the American economy. The only way to keep that money here at home is to buy prostitutes, weed, beer, and tattoos, since these are the only products still produced in the USA . Thank you for your help and please support the U.S.A

By: Rebekah

Rebekah — Thu, 05 Jun 2008 02:23:40 +0000

What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhinoceros?

Elliphino.

By: pseudostoops

pseudostoops — Wed, 04 Jun 2008 19:07:11 +0000

From the elementary school teacher days…

Why did no one want to be friends with the lobster?

Because he was always acting so shellfish!

By: megan

megan — Wed, 04 Jun 2008 17:53:03 +0000

ok, i’m from texas so this is an aggie joke… but feel free to change to colleges of your choice! i heard this one at ut graduation.

so an aggie and a longhorn are in a class together. they have just taken their final exams and gotten their grades back. the longhorn makes an a-, and the aggie fails! the teacher tells them that they both only missed one question, the same question.

the aggie asks “then how did i fail, and he get an a-??”

and the teacher says “well, on the question the longhorn got wrong, he wrote ‘i don’t know’. on the question you got wrong, you wrote ‘me neither’.”

By: Sara

Sara — Wed, 04 Jun 2008 03:45:12 +0000

I know we’re not supposed to have multiple entries, so I am putting them onto one comment. The first one is all-age appropriate and super punny. The second one is just funny.

A guy walks into a psychiatrist’s office.
“Doc, I think I’m going crazy. One minute, I’m hallucinating that I’m a teepee. The next minutes, I’m a wigwam! Then I’m a teepee again, than a wigwam! What’s wrong with me?”
The psychiatrist thinks for a moment and says “that’s simple. You’re too tense.”

(Say it out loud…)

—
A guy somes home to find his girlfriend packing all her things.
“What are you doing?”
“I’m leaving you! I heard that you are a pedophile!”
“A pedophile?! Oooo…big words for a 9-year-old!”