Tents? Sleeping bags? Icky bugs? Cooking food over the fire? Being handed a roll of toilet paper and pointed to the woods? Jamie doesn’t fuck with that.

Pop up campers. People who come by and light the fire for you. Swimming pools. Actual bathrooms.  Yes yes yes and yes. Jamie likes. Also, know as sissy camping.

Well not so much anymore. I haven’t been “camping” in ages. When I was younger we would pack up our little Voyager mini van and pop up camper and hit the road. We were off! Off to Chesterton, Indiana? I know, I know, camping in Indiana? There was a campground called Sand Creek, that my family would go to all the time when we were younger

We’d drive up, stop in the store/office and get our little plot of camping space and get settled in. Of course, after we got the camper set up, we’d make a run to the nearest grocery store to stock up on food. Food that we would cook on our little stove. Inside our camper. I’d get some marshmallows and some chocolate bars to get the real feeling that I’m camping. I was totally justifying my fake camping, even at age 7 by making s’mores on the fire, even though someone from the campground would come by and light our fire at night.

Whatever, I’m camping, give me my s’mores!

Also, in the wilderness that was our campground, there was a game room with vending machines and PACMAN, a store full stocked with anything you might need while “camping”. There was a swimming pool, naturally. Attached to the pool were showers and bathrooms. Don’t forget about mini golf, duh. What would camping be without mini golf? NOTHING. Then of course, if we were feeling extra rugged that night, a hayride. A tractor with a trailer filled with bales of hay for you to sit on and drive through the campground, taking in all the sights.

I mean, I guess there were people that went into the woods to do “real” camping but how real is it if you have all the aforementioned things at your disposal? So I guess that means there are three kinds of camping - real camping, sissy camping and then “real” sissy camping. In “real” sissy camping, all you get is a tent and a sleeping bag but it’s still in the camp ground with the rest of us sissys.

Fake vacations and sissy camping.

That’s just how we rolled here at the House of Lovely.