Hello readers! Let me begin by telling you that I’m not Jamie. I’m not stylish, nor do I have cute Etsy works adorning my home. I don’t know anything about America’s Next Top Model, or Project Runway. I don’t have a blog so pretty I swoon when I see it, I don’t have a cute new hair do complete with perfect bangs and lastly- I don’t have a boyfriend.

I’m Brandy, I write at “It’s like, I’m…mmmagic“.

I bring up the singleness because it’s one more thing that Jamie and I don’t have in common. Yet, Jamie falls into a group of coupled people that I adore. The kind that manages to have a boyfriend, yet isn’t consumed by them. She mentions him, but never have I once read her blog feeling as though my life is less because I’m single. And that? Is something this single girl can appreciate.

Maybe it’s the season- summer brings out couples in full force- I find myself struggling to navigate sidewalks, determined couples refusing to let go of each others hand being my biggest obstacle. Or maybe it’s my recent movie viewing- watching Sex and the City (however much I disliked the movie), maybe me swooning for a Big of my own. Or maybe it’s my musical taste (”Paperweight” by Schulyer Fisk makes the idea of sleeping alone sound about as fun as chewing on tinfoil). Or maybe it’s all of these things. Or none of them. I just know that lately, I’ve found myself feeling like the world is divided into three camps- singles, couples who I adore (and Jamie falls into this group) and couples I want to bash over the head with my new wedge heels I bought while ignoring all those couples who dress alike on the weekends.

I’m not sure why the dressing identical bothers me (maybe it was the matching visors? Or maybe it was the fact that they wore visors in a clothing store to begin with?), but it does. So, to combat my rage, I thought I would make a list to share…..

5 Things I Want All Girls In a Relationship To Know

1. Jen and Brad would dress to compliment each other. Tony Parker and Eva do the same. Ditto Will and Jada. I’m all about dressing to COMPLIMENT the other person, but when I walk into a store and see you wearing the EXACT same Nike shirt, the EXACT same yoga pants (and sir, those pants were two sizes too small. And not in the good way, for shame!), the EXACT same visor (we already know what I think of wearing a visor inside) and the EXACT same shoes- it’s weird. And not “cool-we-are-so-cutting-edge

-no-one-understands-us-weird”, but “it’s-almost-like-we-are-pretending-we-are-twin-siblings-who-have-sex” weird. And that? Is not a look any couple should be striving for. For real.

2. “We” talk has it’s place. If you are both doing something, I completely understand why you would say “we”. As in “we are going to the lake on the weekend”. See? That makes sense. It implies both of you. I get that. But, when I hear someone say “we can’t go out. We have menstrual pains”. Or “we have a yeast infection” I get confused. And then annoyed. Remember, not every sentence can be “we”‘ed- and attempting to do so, makes you look silly.

3. Coupled women, nothing raises the hair on my neck, or causes me to reach for a shoe to hit you with faster, then the notion that YOU can’t do something YOU’VE been invited to do because your BOYFRIEND can’t make it. Don’t’ get me wrong, I’m all about including the boyfriend into many activities- I realize that coupling involves co-partying, but sometimes, some events do not require boyfriend attendance. Such as a lingerie party. And when you imply that you can’t make a party because your boyfriend is working or (worse) you plan on bringing your boyfriend to a chicks only event, it’s awkward. Because then I have to say “Well, actually, it’s just going to be girls- then we are going to meet the guys out later…”, I get turned into a man hater. Which, (if anyone reads my blog knows) is not true at all. In fact, I might love George Clooney more than my grandparents*.

4. It’s not cool to fall off the face of the Earth. Don’t get me wrong- I get the honeymoon phase. The phase of dating where you stop answering phones, returning emails, getting dressed- because EVERY FREE SECOND is spent grinning with that ONE PERSON you can’t get enough of. Seriously. I get that phase. In fact, I’ve lived that phase to the extreme. In university, I had a friend who got mad because once I fell in love, nothing mattered except the other person. I fell into a relationship black hole- losing track of time and space. She wouldn’t see me for days at a time. AND I LIVED WITH HER. So, I get this idea of the honeymoon phase. But? If the honeymoon phase lasts longer than a month, rest assured that your friends are going to send out a search and rescue party. And if the honeymoon phase lasts longer than six months- well, then your search and rescue party might close your file and move on to a case that wants to be found.

5. Lastly- please note that despite all my quips and barbs, single girls are happy when their coupled friends find happiness. There’s this idea that when our friends get coupled perfectly (like animals heading onto Noah’s Ark), that we are secretly pained, or painfully jealous. That’s not true- at least for me it’s not. At times, I will get frustrated thinking that I’m still looking for what they’ve found- but that’s when I’m focused on ME. When I think of the happy couple- I’m happy. Because every girl deserves her happy ending- whether it involves a man or not. And every girl deserves friends who support her- single or coupled.

Just don’t wear the matching visors around me.

* This is a joke. I love my grandparents. Maybe if George Clooney lectures me on gas consumption or teaches me how to make baklava he will win out- but until then, my g-parents will always have a bigger place in my heart.