jamie ann

lost in the crowd

February 10th, 2009 at 12:09 pm . Posted in me me me, relationships, the boy .

How does one adjust when the person you’ve been involved with for five years isn’t feeling the same anymore? They were your lover and your best friend all rolled into one but for them the timing just isn’t right anymore.

Can you still be friends when one is so heartbroken?

Do you stop trying to be friends because it hurts too much?

Or try because it hurts too much to lose them completely?

It’s like I can’t win.

It hurts too much to try but I can’t imagine my life without him in it, whatever role he may have.

I don’t know what to do.

I don’t have my boyfriend.

I don’t have my best friend.

I never felt more alone than I do right now even though I’m surrounded by people who care.

I’m lost.

103 Comments ( Reply )

Jessica
Feb 11, 2009 @ 10:36 am

Girl, I know exactly how you feel. If you’ve been reading my blog, I’m going through the same thing. It was the hardest time of my life. Honestly, don’t talk to him. It’s what helped me. I know he was your best friend and so was mine, but in order to get over him, you need to just not talk at all. I promise.

If you want to talk I’m here!

Jessicas last blog post..Leaving On A Jet Plane…..In 99 Days

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One Step At At Time
Feb 11, 2009 @ 10:38 am

Ugh… I’m so sorry! Break ups are so painful…

I wish I had some comforting words, but time and distractions were what I needed to heal during similiar times.

One Step At At Times last blog post..Grace In Small Things 5/365

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E.P.
Feb 11, 2009 @ 11:12 am

*hugs* Oh, Jamie. I am so sorry. It will get better and easier, I promise.

If you need someone to talk to, I’m here.

E.P.s last blog post..Grace in Small Things, 2/365

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allie
Feb 11, 2009 @ 11:14 am

oh, lady! I’m so sorry! Maybe in time it will be easier to have a friendship. Maybe a break for awhile would help. Sending good thoughts!

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Michelle & the City
Feb 11, 2009 @ 12:46 pm

oh hon i am so so sorry! i’ve been there, as you probably read last year. i know that it’s hard to hear, but you can and will get through this. i know you probably want to punch people in the face that tell you that, i did (well not actually punched them, but you know what i mean). thinking of you and please let me know if you ever want to vent via email or gchat. i will listen.

Michelle & the Citys last blog post..We Are Just Breakable Girls & Boys

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deutlich
Feb 11, 2009 @ 12:47 pm

by the way – I sincerely hope I did not come off as insensitive with my initial comment. I still fully stand by it, but WOAH do I know that the heart does NOT listen to logic in any way, shape or form and it’s effin’ frustrating.

and i am really, really sorry that you’re going through this right now.

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Travis
Feb 11, 2009 @ 1:02 pm

Sorry to hear that, Jamie.

Traviss last blog post..Shakedown 1979

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Samtaters
Feb 11, 2009 @ 1:34 pm

J,

I love you so much. You know that, right?! Just wanted to reiterate that.

I’ve found from past relationships (and I’m coming to realize just how many I’ve freaking had) that directly after the break up you have to cut each other out. This doesn’t mean that with time, you can’t become friends. But, especially when the break up isn’t mutual, it’s like freaking torture. You have to separate yourself from that person/situation for a while. In a few months you can revisit the whole being friends issue. At least that’s what has worked best for me in the past.

If you need to talk, you know where to find me.
Love you!

Samtaterss last blog post..Inauggie day!

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Lauren
Feb 11, 2009 @ 2:50 pm

I know people say “I know what you’re going through” and don’t always mean it…but seriously, I know what you’re going through. My best friend of 4 years and boyfriend of 2 broke up with me. I didn’t know what to do.

It gets easier with time. Lot’s of time. You’ll go through the normal break up stages, but once you reach anger you’ll start feeling a bit better. Try not to speak to him for right now, as hard as it is. Give yourself time to heal. Be with friends, have girly nights. Just try to slowly let go. Eventually you might be able to be friends again. Hope for that. It’ll be better than losing him completely.

As for now, take care of yourself. You’ll get through this. You’re a fighter.

Laurens last blog post..Have no fear, Brooklyns here

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wishcake
Feb 11, 2009 @ 8:54 pm

Oh, Jamie. I wish all of us could be there to hug you and comfort you. You are truly an incredible person, and I hate to know that you are hurting right now…

You are in my thoughts, my dear.

wishcakes last blog post..on a photo and some words…

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Lizzie
Feb 11, 2009 @ 10:22 pm

Oh I’m just so, so sorry. There is nothing worse than losing that person in your life. I know it hurts like nothing else right now, but you will get through it. Take it day by day and try not to lose yourself in the process of healing. I’m confident you’ll come out of this stronger and more resilent than ever. In the meantime, I’m glad you have friends (in person and on here) who can be there to support you.

Lizzies last blog post..Rugrats

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michelle woo
Feb 11, 2009 @ 10:55 pm

Everybody loves you sooooo much. I have no great advice but just wanted to say that you are loved!

michelle woos last blog post..Not Skinny

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jessica maria
Feb 12, 2009 @ 9:54 am

I just read this post (sorry so late) – and I’m sorry to hear about your troubles. No matter what, remember that you’re this amazing woman that has the ability to do anything you put your mind to. Which includes having the strength to face such situations. Love you! xo

jessica marias last blog post..Cause your words don’t translate.

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bFlat
Feb 12, 2009 @ 2:54 pm

I’m so sorry to hear this. *Sending lots of hugs*

bFlats last blog post..Macbook

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Lippy
Feb 12, 2009 @ 3:11 pm

Hey there,
There really isn’t much to be said right now to make you feel better. The only thing I’d remind you is that time really does heal all wounds. It will get better…just not right now. Hang in there and lean on your friends. They’re the best way through it all. You’re never really alone.

Take care, ok?

Lippys last blog post..A Passage

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Sherisa of L'élephant Rose
Feb 12, 2009 @ 5:35 pm

*sigh*

Sometimes letting go is the best thing to do. Take the time you’re going to need to mend. It’s one of the most difficult things to navigate so I don’t want to on with any real advice. Let your heart & your mind tell you what to do next.

Only you know how you really feel.

xoxoxo

Sherisa of L’élephant Roses last blog post..012: i {heart} Tinker and Po

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La Petite Chic
Feb 12, 2009 @ 6:41 pm

I’m so sorry, honey. I’ve been there, and for me, I had to cut him out of my life completely. It hurt too much to try to just have a friendship. You’ll know what’s right for you. Remember, as much as it hurts right now, time does heal all wounds and you will get through this. Thinking of you…

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nicopolitan
Feb 13, 2009 @ 3:23 am

Nice to see so many people coming to give you great advice!

It does hurt. But as opposed to what a lot of people will say — I say let it hurt for at least a healthy amount. You need to know what you’re going through is real, and valid, so don’t try to deny it.

Why? Because the heart is kind of like the skeleton, where broken bones heal to be stronger than they were before. But first, comes the hurt. And oh, how it hurts.

All you have to do is be ready to let it hurt, no matter what actions you choose from here on in; but don’t let the hurt get the best of you. Obviously the light at the end of the tunnel isn’t even visible right now. But you’ll come out of it stronger. Eventually. Trust me on this one.

nicopolitans last blog post..Catching-the-eff-Up!

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Kim
Feb 13, 2009 @ 11:57 am

You do anything it takes to make yourself happy. You overindulge in chocolate. You drink a bit too much. You lean on your friends.

I’m so sorry that you’re going through this.

Kims last blog post..Songs In My Head

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chickbug
Feb 14, 2009 @ 2:36 pm

you let yourself feel the pain. cry. yell. be bitter. feel alone. you can only get through it by being real with yourself. trying to forget or distract yourself will only bury the emotions and they will come bubbling back.

the good news is….every minute. every day. every week. every month. it gets easier. and one day you will realize you are happier without him. so much happier.

lots of hugs.

chickbugs last blog post..we heart you.

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Carina
Feb 15, 2009 @ 7:53 pm

I know how you feel. I am there, I have been there since September. My break-up never ends. The worst part is waking up in the morning and realizing that it’s not a bad dream – my bestfriend isn’t there. Hope you get thorugh it soon!

Carinas last blog post..Lessons in Love: From the girls of The Hills

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Princess Pointful
Feb 16, 2009 @ 12:08 am

Oh, sweetie. Big big enormous hugs. You deserve someone who can love you with the enormity you can love them. I hope you are well.

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Katie
Feb 18, 2009 @ 3:21 pm

I would be happy now to be friends with my ex who I was with for five years during most of high school and some of college. I was lost for a few years after it was over, but time has gone by and it’s true – it really does heal all wounds! You’ll see!

Katies last blog post..more on V-day in NYC

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Molly
Feb 21, 2009 @ 6:48 pm

Oh man. I just came across your blog, and when I saw this post, I automatically related. I dated someone for 4 years and had all the same questions. At this point I’m sure you don’t want to hear it’ll be okay, so my advice is to just go with it. Feel the ups and downs and just keep yourself busy when you want and dwell when you want. Life will take care of everything else. Hang in there!

Mollys last blog post..my 20′s thus far. the highlights.

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Amber
Mar 11, 2009 @ 4:30 am

Pretty sure I wrote this post! Wow, talk about relating to someone’s words. EVERY single word.
If you figure any of the answers out, let me know. I’m still lost…

Ambers last blog post..Questions on my mind…

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tasha
Sep 23, 2009 @ 11:04 am

i’m sure youve gotten this already but i know how you feel, i lost my best friend and lover of 3 yrs to another girl and i felt so very broken and very unfixable. i just take it day by day and step by step and just have faith that everything happens for a reason. i hope your doing ok. i’ve been there and back and i know there isnt much i can say so just know you arent alone.

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allie
Oct 30, 2009 @ 7:49 pm

oh, lady! I'm so sorry! Maybe in time it will be easier to have a friendship. Maybe a break for awhile would help. Sending good thoughts!

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adam
Sep 19, 2010 @ 11:15 pm

It doesn’t exactly kill you, not entirely, but it shreds your heart and you don’t remember what you’re doing anymore because that other person reminded you. And now that they’re gone, it’s so hard to do so. Even the regular, daily activities.
I know it’s so hard, but you need to completely distance yourself from him, and it’s going to be the hardest thing. But ignore him and it will drive him nuts, don’t give in, and you’ll find happiness through others in other ways.
I know it won’t be the same, but it’s the best you can do..

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lost in the crowd

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Jamie Ann

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