Yeah, you read that right.

I’m taking a math class this semester and my instructor is insane. She can’t ever remember what she just finished saying. We got handed a stack of paper, half of the stuff doesn’t relate to our class. We have a ton of extra projects we must do for credit.

Projects in math.

First, we have a presentation. Then GROUP projects, not working together on math problems but PROJECTS. We must write journals every day to turn in. Homework is optional though! We don’t get credit for that. We get points for doing Sodoku though!

I’m not good at math at all so I guess this is good. I turn in a bunch of bullshit and get credit. It will more than likely boost my grade some.

My favorite project is a group presentation where we have to write a song, poem or rap about something we covered in a chapter.

ON MATH.

That’s right I’ll be rapping about integers and rhyming about square roots.

Fuck Lil Wayne.

Jamie Lovely: The Album

It drops Fall of 08.

Be on the lookout.

With their recent concern for their own safety and newly purchased arsenal of $10,000 worth of weapons, Speidi thought it was time to learn how to use ‘em.

We’re safe now, everyone. Heidi not only dazzles us with her vocal stylings but can shoot someone down in their tracks. And Creepy McCreeperson is now armed.

Maybe we will see them waving around AK47s on the Hills?

We can only hope.

Of course, there are more and it only gets better: here

When I seen this couple at this supposed young and hip new bar downtown, I couldn’t resist pulling a sneak attack. Jenn and I invented the sneak attack during one of our first hang outs. The sneak attack can be used for photos or even forcing people into making out with you. If I had a big FAIL stamp it would go over this photo.

So yeah, I seen this older couple maybe in their late 40s. We have a fringed suede jacket on the fellow. Our lovely lady was wearing see through button down tucked in, silver belt, clear plastic shoes with a fabulous lucite heel and let’s not forget Elmo that she murdered to make her handbag. Poor Elmo.

I don’t really dance myself - well maybe if I was drunk enough, but I wasn’t so I’m not going to judge their dancing but it was something else!

There was a whole lot of hot, tranny mess up in that place last night.

Lindsay Lohan is transforming her love of leggings into a business!
“I’m doing my own leggings line! But it’s a secret,” she told Life & Style. (Not anymore!) “It will be a while before it comes out, but I’m going to do it. I love leggings.”
When asked how her leggings will stand out, Lindsay said, “They’ll have designs. Some of them will have prints and some will have patterns.”

I told you before, Linds.

LEGGINGS ARE NOT FUCKING PANTS.

Don’t you just hate when you get dragged into awkward conversations? Even more so, when it is a complete stranger?

Where: Walgreens checkout lane
Who: me, cashier, talkative older woman probably in her 50s

Talky Lady in front of me goes to pay. Friendly cashier lady tells us that everything in that cart over there is only a penny. In the cart are some candles and Shrek valentines or something. Talky Lady rushes to the cart, sees the candles and says, “Ohhhh noo! Not candles! Candles make me nervous!”. She then proceeds to tell us her brother, his wife and two of their kids died in a fire and that they couldn’t get out of the apartment. Their balcony caved in and they couldn’t escape. The cashier asks if the fire was caused from a candle and Talky Lady says “NO!” and goes on to say how it was all over television and the news. The cashier and I don’t really know what to say, but even if we wanted to, we wouldn’t be able to get a word in. Then Talky Lady asks cashier if she has a $100 bill for 5 twenties and tells me it’s for her niece to go shopping. She gets to spend money because “she is just turning 14 and is turning into a woman!”

What?

Okay, so just when we think she is done, cashier and I share a glance of relief that finally this woman is almost out the door. It’s now my turn to pay. Talky Lady is about to walk out the door. Stops. Turns and walks back to the register where I am paying for my peanut M&Ms, plops her bags down on the counter and says:

“Years ago, I had a hysterectomy, but I’ve been having this awful, terrible pains. My doctor decided to do an ultra sound and she told me they found ovaries! So I called my gynecologist and yelled at him! (Talky Lady is now yelling at this point and customers are looking at us.) They were suppose to take everything out and here they find ovaries! He said they are lying, but what the hell else could it be?! Now I am in pain and think I have ovaries that were suppose to be removed or cancer!”

By now I am finished paying and I am unsure of what to say. She stopped talking for a sec and was gearing up for more when I said, “Um, yeah…I hope everything turns out well” and rushed out the door without pausing for her response.

Because, really? What does one say to that?

I finally got to watch this week’s episode last night. I never imagined in a million years I would see this image on my screen.

I foresee this entry as being very short. I’m horrified that they thought this would be a good challenge. Have they really hit rock bottom with ideas that they need to do this? Make an ring “outfit” for a WWE Diva. SERIOUSLY. This is not fashion. This is stripper wear basically. Not even fashionable stripwear, if that is possible. (more…)

Continuing with my looking on the bright side of things streak today. I was able to sleep until 11 today! I got a glorious 10 1/2 hours of sleep! It was very much needed. Lost is on today, unfortunately, I will miss it because of class. Luckily, I have an amazing boyfriend who will DVR it for us to watch this weekend.

We have a near blizzard going here in Chicago. Of course, I will have to leave for class soon and drive back home around 9PM. Fun! Oh well, at least if anything should happen, I will have learned to take blood pressure today with my teal stethoscope. Just in case someone has an emergency on the way home and needs to know their blood pressure ASAP, I’m on top of that shit, guys.

That’s right. Saving lives on the streets of Chicago during near blizzards, looking cute in teal while doing so.

I’m out of control.

P.S. I believe today is the last day to vote for the 20SB awards. Get your last minute votes in, for me or not, just vote!

P.P.S. To the person in Elmwood Park, IL who is googling “oh! how lovely” every 2 hours — bookmark it, dude.

I briefly mentioned the creepy cab driver in my previous chapter of my trip to Las Vegas. I think it’s time for the whole story.

The night we arrived, the boyfriend, his cousin and I decided we were going to hit up LAX in the Luxor, you know the big pyramid with the Sphinx in front? Well, we get all dolled up and are ready to go. I’m in my adorable black pointy toe heels and jeans that make me look leggy.  The boyfriend is looking incredibly good in some dark denim, white button down, grey pullover sweater and this amazing leather jacket. Seriously, I love it. His cousin, dressed similarly to me in cute top, jeans and heels. We catch a cab to the Luxor and walk in. There is this really swanky lounge area right outside the entrance to the club and we note we have to get a drink there later. Not many people are near the entrance, so that’s good, doesn’t seem to crowded. I wasn’t sure exactly where to go in because there was a few lines and like 5 big, mean looking bouncer dudes, so I just walked up to the nearest one. He tells me to hold on one second, but first that, “the gentlemen in my party would have to change his shoes or get a sport coat”.

Hold up.

Seriously? My boyfriend is better dressed that more than half of these douches waiting to get in, with their ugly button down graphic shirts and hideous white sneakers, but since they have a blazer on, they can walk right up. We get told he can’t go in because he has a brand new pair of white low top Converse on and is otherwise, impeccably dressed in a non-douchey way? How does that make sense? Turns out the boyfriend didn’t bring any dress shoes and it was already 11:30PM, so no stores carrying shoes would be open. We decide to catch a cab back to our hotel to gamble some and decide where we are going to go from there.

Walking out of the Luxor we grumble all the way into the cab about how ridiculous this is and the cab driver asks what we are talking about so we tell him. Cab driver seemingly sympathizes and says he can take us to the Walmart “just past the airport” to pick up a pair of black shoes. We say sure, because they airport was like 5-10 minutes away so it should be a quick run and then we can go back to LAX or where ever else. He was a young guy, late 20s, for some reason he had some RayBan like sunglasses on, BUT THERE WERE NO LENSES IN THEM?! First wierdo thing about him. Second, he starts telling us his life story, about his kids, blah blah. Okay, he’s just a chatty cab driver, fine, everyone’s had a cab driver who likes to talk. Right? Then he goes on about how he’s been divorced twice and this and that and we notice, we have been driving for awhile and start getting in to a residential area? I’m pretty sure on the way to the hotel from the airport, it definitely did not take this long.  Hmm. He’s still rambling along and then asks what the boyfriend is going to do with the shoes he is wearing after he buy some new ones. Good question. We hadn’t thought of that and we definitely don’t want to go back to the hotel and then catch another cab back to a club. We would spend most of our night in cabs!

Creepo cab driver has the answer and tells us this story:

One day he was doing something he really shouldn’t have been doing and had to meet with someone. He had a knife on him and didn’t want the people he was meeting with to find the knife on him. He decided the best idea was to ditch the knife in a McDonald’s bathroom under a sink. Goes to his meeting then picks up the knife after. Tells boyfriend he can just hide his shoes in a bathroom like he did.

The boyfriend and I look at each other, officially weirded out and wondering why this goddamn cab ride is taking so long. Creepo decides he is going to “help us out” by parking once we get to Walmart, stopping the meter and going in with us to pick out some shoes because he has to “help his man get some shoes”. I grabbed the boyfriend’s hand and relayed the fact that OMG I’M TOTALLY CREEPED OUT RIGHT NOW just by looking at him and I can see that he is too. He picks up his phone and pretends to call someone, “hangs up the phone” and tells creepo cab driver that someone is just gonna pick us up there and we are going to go grab some food with them, so there is no need for us to accept his generous offer. We say thanks and practically jump out the cab while it’s slowing down in front of Walmart.

Where does this leave us? Stuck at a Walmart “just outside the airport”, the $15 cab ride tells you exactly how close we were. So it’s almost midnight, we are at some random Walmart, can you guess what kind of shady characters hang out at Walmart at midnight? Seriously. We are completely overdressed in the shoe aisle, trying to decide on which pair of ugly black shoes to buy. We decide on the less of all evils, with the promise to hit up the mall the next day and find some decent shoes. Walking up to the register, we discuss how we are going to get back to the strip since no cabs drive by around here. Will pays for the shoes and we ask customer service to call us a cab, which they do, but it will be at least 20 minutes to an hour until someone can pick us up. Now we are stuck at a shady Walmart with ugly shoes, praying a cab will hurry up and come get us. Boyfriend’s cousin decides she has seen enough for one night and doesn’t even want to go back out after this, so the shoes get returned.

We made a pointless trip to Walmart to buy and return ugly shoes, wasted $30 on cab rides back and forth, almost were the victims of a serial killer cab driver and didn’t even end up going to any clubs.

How’s that for your first night in Sin City?

This entry is jumbled and random and a mess, but since that is the current state of my brain right now, it is what you get. Expect a coherent entry soon.

For most of the day yesterday, I thought it was Friday. Not like it really world have mattered because I am off today, but still. I had plans today to do a million things, things like go purchase my school books and go to Borders to see if they finally have Moleskine planners in. Seriously, I went to two places last weekend and their were none. Usually you can find piles upon piles of Moleskin planners. Who are all these bitches buying up all of them? I do not appreciate this at all, they are throwing off my new year!

I really want ice cream so that was on my list of things to do. There is this homemade candy and ice cream place kinda near by and oh man, it’s so good. A hot fudge sundae probably has like 37,000 calories, but it is so worth it and for the past couple weeks I have been having, I deserve two!

Really, I don’t know if I will do all those things, well school books at least today. I will probably wait to fight the crowds on Monday for my school books. Borders and ice cream will probably get done sometime this weekend. I’m just exhausted. I woke up at 11:30 and feel like I can go back to sleep. The stress of all this crap at home is just exhausting me. Right now, I am going to lay in my bed and go through google reader and read Oh No They Didn’t! until I feel like getting up, showering and going to boyfriend’s.

DUDE, what was up with Grey’s Anatomy last night? How are they going to mess with Bailey again? First, her husband almost dies, now her baby? You’re killing me, Shonda! Killing me! Christina holding Tuck’s hand? You may have killed me again because of the tears streaming down my face. BUT this Rose/McDreamy/Meredith storyline is completely stupid. Rose is annoying, McDreamy is a loser and Meredith is whiny and pathetic. She also needs to brush her freaking hair. Seriously.

I want a new phone. I love my Blackberry Pearl, but once they release the crack for the new versions of the iPhone, I’m buying one. It better work with my site, my Pearl won’t let me log into the admin part of my site and it’s annoying.

Victoria: again. Maya: 1 and 2
Posh Spice and Marc Jacobs? M.I.A. and Marc Jacobs? Doesn’t do it for me. I like them all on their own, even Victoria (so major) but they just aren’t Marc girls. What do you think? I think Marc is losing his damn mind. It’s showing in his designs too.

What are you guys doing this weekend?

P.S. It is still de-lurking week. Get on it.

I seem to be following a trend: one real post and one nonsense celebrity or “celebrity” gossip post a day. I should start my own blog just for my gossip commentary, I swear I have much to say about EVERYTHING. Anyway, there is a real post below this if you choose to read it.

On to Speidi, this picture is from Heidi and Spencer’s beach frolic. Obviously NSFL (not safe for life), because well, nothing that they do is good on the eyes. Pay attention to the photo, what’s Spence doing in the background while Heidi poses for photographers?!

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