This weekend was all kinds of ridiculous and amazing. I really don’t know where to start. Don’t people usually start at the beginning? I guess we will start there.

After a long flight which was 4ish hours, but felt like 10 because of the Incredible Farting Woman next to us  who was obviously punishing us (us being Jenn and myself) for something and the screeching banshees (children) in front of us, we finally landed in Oakland. Jenn’s friend Colin picked us up and brought us around to our hotel, the Hotel Carlton. It was absolutely adorable! A small boutique (and green!) hotel with pinstriped walls, lovely furniture and super friendly staff that was about 5 blocks away from the Westin where BlogHer was being held. They did give us unopenable wine though. That was not fair and another story to come. I would definitely stay there again though if I end up in San Francisco in the future.

Vanessa stayed with us Thursday night and while Jenn was out seeing the sights, we decided we were freaking starving and needed food. Food that was not the itsy bitsy pretzels that Southwest so generously gave us on the flight. Jenn was going to meet up with us later and we were off in search of Katelin and food! We settled on Lori’s 50’s Diner which blew because we sat for like 20 minutes and were not even acknowledged once. Everytime we needed something, we had to practically pounce on our waitress. And why there are two of that place in a two block vicinity of each other, I do not know, but Jenn finally caught up after a ridiculously confusing phone call that went something like this:

Jenn: I’m in here!

Jamie: No, you aren’t.

Jenn: YES, I am. Where are you?

Jamie: At the bottom of the stairs!!

Jenn: Wait…there are no stairs….god dammit

Then since we were all n00bs to BlogHer, we headed to the Newbie Mixer where there was open bar. Now let me tell you, I only needed one drink because my cranberry vodka was 85% vodka and only an teeeeensy bit cranberry. Open bar was not necessary, I would have been on my ass had I had another. Business card here, photo there, lots of hugs all around. Finally met Sizzle, Missy and Lara that night. Ran into another of Chicago’s Finest, Jessica and her friend/co-worker Theresa. We party hopped between the Mixer and People’s Party. By the time we got to the People’s Party, it had been ravaged. I magically aquired the first of many swag bag’s since there were none left.

And oh, that was just the beginning…

(view from our hotel window)

Hey Jamie’s Internets!

I’m Crissy from Crissy’s Page and I’m the Queen of Fucking Everything but I’m also your guest blogger today.

Woo. Hoo.

Since Jamie seems to be just a little bit of a dog person, I thought I’d write a dog story for alla y’all so you don’t miss her like her doggie misses her.

Here goes…

When I graduated from High School I got a Greyhound as a graduation present because I wanted one very, very badly. My parents finally let me get one because they knew I’d be moving out soon and taking the doggie to college with me. So that’s what I did, and let me tell you this right now Internet. Greyhounds are not good apartment dogs. At. ALL. They need wide open spaces with plenty of furry woodland creatures to harass. And you don’t get that in an apartment in the city. All you get is an occasional bird and birds are fucking fast!

Faster than greyhounds.

We lived on the third floor of an old Victorian tenement house. There was a narrow spiral staircase leading to our apartment and it just freaked Tashi right out. That was her name. Tashi. I called her T-Rex and Trexie and Sexy T-Rexy because I’m really queer like that with my pets, and some people we knew called her Pointed Dog, but we hated those people so they don’t count.

Anyway, she would take those stairs painfully slowly. One. step. at. a. time. until we finally reached the bottom and she would wag her tail in relief that she got down safely. It was not a good time for either of us, believe me. It took us like eleventy hundred minutes just to go out for pees and poops!

One day I was getting dressed for class and my fiance, who I was shacked up with at the time, and who is now my husband, had just left for work. Being a typical b-o-y he did not close the door all the way. Well who do you think decided to take those fucking stairs like her ass was on fire?

Yup.

I heard THUMP, THUMP, THUMP, THUMP, THUMP! as she made her escape. I dropped my mascara in the sink and ran to the stairs to see only her tail trailing behind her as she shot out that door and down those steps faster than an astronaut riding a Crack Rocket.

I have no idea what that means. It sounded good though, didn’t it?

Anyway, she was FAST and I went running after her and tried in vain to catch her. When I finally reached the bottom of the stairs, she was running around the driveway and was all like “Weeeeee!!!! this is great!” and I was all “Tashi Ssssstoooooppp!” when I noticed that cars were slowing down and one guy even pulled over.

Huh.

“The dog is just in the driveway. These people are so nice! They’re stopping just in case she runs into the street. Oh my god! I love them. What nice dog loving people they are!” I thought to myself.
And then I felt the draft.

And I looked down.

My fucking shirt was open!!!

I was running around my front yard on a very busy street with my jumblies out. I had a bra on, but still. The girls were largely uncovered and my shirt was just a flappin’ in the breeze!

“Tashi, you fucking fuck” I grumbled as I grabbed the front of my shirt and held it closed while attempting to catch the god damned dog with only one hand.

Eventually, she allowed me to catch her and let me tell you Internet. There were no tummy yummies for like a week after that bullshit!

I was pissed. off.

So the moral of the story is:

Never try to make a Greyhound an apartment dog unless you’re willing to flash your goodies to the whole neighborhood.

The end.

Thank you! You guys have been great!
If you’d like to come and worship the Queen some more you should come see me!!!!

I’ve been playing with my Barbies again.

I wasn’t really going to write about anything yet until I have more time string together more than “awesome”  and “omg”. I can’t really help it though!

I have met some really awesome people so far and it would take too long to name them at the moment.  Trust me though.

I have got a ton of stuff. Giveaways like no tomorrow coming soon. I got the good shit, guys.

I have also learned so much.

I have cupcakes, chocolate and a bottle of wine with my name on it back at the hotel.

Video blogging to come!

Party at Macy’s and cheeseburgers after the keynote.

Sightseeing tomorrow.

Okay, Dooce’s keynote is about to start and I have to pray my stomach doesn’t growl loudly and interrupt everyone because I am STARVING. ***to read the live blog of Dooce’s keynote visit go here***

The winner of the Cozy Sister giveaway is…

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Hello loyal ohsolovely readers, I’m Matt from A View From 5280ft. I’m here to fill some space while Jamie is doing her thing at BlogHer as you all probably know by now.

I feel privileged that I was even asked to post here. Although, those who know me know that I am sometimes a foul mouthed, drunken, self centered jerk. So I might not fit in with the mantra here but here is my attempt at a softer post.

I wasn’t always a jerk. I was a nice kid. A kid who had big dreams…not about being rich, but dreams of being heavyweight champion of the world.

My favorite movie as a kid was Rocky. The very first Rocky Balboa, before Mr. T, the Russian and Tommy Gunn.  My dad bought me the VHS and I would watch it every single day. It was a brilliant movie. A story about a no one who, by way of his nickname got a chance to fight the one and only, Apollo Creed.

What I love about the movie is that it wasn’t a fairy tale. Rocky lived in a dump, smoked cigarettes, could hardly read and lost his one shot at the heavyweight title. Realistic.

I loved the movie so much, I used to throw punches when Rocky threw punches, go down when Rocky went down and I would even tell corny jokes all the time. My dad also bought me a pair of Sugar Ray Leonard gloves and a mouthpiece so that when I watched my hero, I could pretend I was truly him.

In some ways, I will always look up to Rocky and there will always be a part of me who feels like I am the heavyweight champ.

Don’t I look like a fucking champ to you?

I’m taking over today while that girl who feeds me packs up her crap to leave me for 4 days. When she gets back, I expect lots of belly rubs, long walks and more pupcakes!

Come check out Jamie’s new design. It matches her adorable blog cards. Cute, huh? Definitely not as cute as me though.

Don’t forget to enter the Cozy Sister giveaway for a Venetian ring! If only I had fingers…

Watch Project Runway tonight even though Bravo is ruining it for everyone. All the designers look like babies, they are so young! I propose another dog challenge. That corgi from that season 3 challenge doesn’t have shit on me!

This is more than likely the last entry that will be posted until San Francisco so you should probably follow her on twitter @jamielovely, that way you can catch all the action while it happens.

And now for the real reason you all keep coming back to read this silly blog?

Pictures of me.

Do I seriously leave for California in two days? Seriously?

I feel like BlogHer came up out of nowhere. I really can’t believe this weekend I will be hanging out, learning new things and partying it up with some of the most fantastic bloggers I know!

My suitcase is not even close to being packed. My blog cards are still at the printer (ready, just not picked up). I have no idea what to wear. I have emails to send out. Cell numbers to get. Reservations to confirm, well I have them already but I just need to make sure and ask a few questions. I’m paranoid like that! New design to debut tomorrow. Before you start saying, “OMG this is your millionth new design”, shut your face. Those ads over to the right keep my blogging looking pretty and hosted, so there!

Point is, I have much to do. So much to do.

My MacBook is back. It was with the Geniuses for awhile since the plastic was cracking around the top and the hand rest but AppleCare covered it so that’s awesome! Point is: get AppleCare if you don’t have it yet. My replacement Blackberry is in my possesion. I need to call Tmobile and see why my data package isn’t working but I do have it. iPhone hopefully next week as a wrench was kind of thrown in my plans but I’ll work it out.

Okay, now I have to make you all a little bit jealous now. Guess who I’m having dinner with Thursday once we get all settled in our respective hotels and such.

Go on, guess. I’ll wait.

Give up?

Katelin!

I’m super excited to meet her because I’m pretty sure she was one of my first bloggy friends.

These ladies will be there all weekend too and I could NOT be more psyched to meet them.

Katie
Sizzle
Vanessa
Janet
Slynnro
Kristy
Kerri Anne
Y (omg she invited me to a cheeseburger party?!)

And so many more that I know I’m forgetting off the top of my head.

You just know some crazy shit is going to happen when you put that many woman in San Francisco with alcohol and internet access.

I may or may not be promising a video blog sometime during that.

I also may or may not be intoxicated while video blogging.

Stay tuned.

I thought it was about time I featured some jewelery for an etsy feature!  This week we have Cozy Sister. Lynde makes lovely pieces out of wire, glass beads and gemstones. You can find pendants, earrings, bracelets and rings in the etsy shop. There is also a Cozy Sister blog for all kinds of news and updates about what’s going on. My favorite are the Venetian glass rings which is what Lynde of Cozy Sister has decided to give to one reader!

So you know the drill, check out the shop and come back and let me know what your favorite item is, it can be one of the rings or not. The winner of this giveaway will be getting a Venetian glass ring though! This one is my favorite, I’m a big fan of deep rich burgundy and wine colors.

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You guys obviously love Winston more than Watson. The final vote was 97-49, in favor of Winston and so it shall be! I’m going to start calling him Smokey Winston so he doesn’t get confused then eventually drop the Smokey. Sir Winston of Chicago. It has a nice ring to it don’t you think?

This time next week, I will be at BlogHer! I’m super excited. If you’re going, shoot me an email so we can meet up while we are out there!

Hey, remember my beef with Steve Jobs because of that little iPhone issue? It might just be solved. I won’t discuss further until everything is finalized but I’m pretty psyched. Hopefully, everything pans out. *fingers crossed*

Today I forgot my stupid wallet at home and all my money to deposit at the bank. Of course, I needed to paypal the printer today to get started on my bloggy cards today and I’m $10 bucks short because I haven’t deposited money in my bank account in awhile. I have money at home, just not where it needs to be at the moment which is in my god damn account so I can get my adorable little cards! Nice one, Jamie.

Speaking of adorable blog business cards, I was going to hold out sharing them until I actually have them in my hot little hands. BUT I can’t do that because I’m too excited and have to share my design because they are TOO freaking cute. I know, I know you are just puking with cute.

(last name blocked out so you don’t try to internetz stalk me, duh)

Designed by the lovely and talented Jess of Delicious Design Studio because that is just how I roll.

Happy Friday! I hope your day goes by fast because I feel like it’s 4PM and it’s only 10AM. Yeah, it’s gonna be a long day!

The winner of the Laura George giveaway is…

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